Newsletter, Volume I, Fall, 2009

Welcome to TrueSelf Transitions!   I thought since Houston is FINALLY seeing some relief from the heat of summer and moving into cooler temperatures (the 80's), I would devote this newsletter to making inner changes--having a cooler head--working on inner serenity.  I am including in this newsletter an article from Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh entitled Internal Formations.  In his beautiful and wise way, he explains a method of avoiding what he calls "internal knots."  If you are in 12-step recovery, you may ask yourself what step you may need to do around this topic.  See below for the article.

SASH Conference

I will be attending the SASH Conference from Sept. 23-26 in San Diego.  For those of you who do not know, SASH stands for Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health and focuses on the diagnosis and treatment of sexual addiction and co-addiction. 

Outsmart Reader's Choice Awards

I am so pleased to announce that I have been voted for the second year in a row the runner-up in the Best Female Therapist category in the Outsmart Magazine's Readers' Choice Awards.  I humbly thank all my dear clients in the GLBT community for this honor.

In the works: 

1) Women's group for healing of relationship trauma (i.e. how to survive a breakup)

2) Therapy group for gay men struggling with the issue of sex addiction.

3) Weekend workshop for finding your TrueSelf.

Right now these are just thoughts in my head depending on the interest, so please call if you are interested!  713-781-7272

Now for the article and remember to stay aware and in touch with the wonderful person you REALLY are.  Please feel free to call with any questions or comments.

Internal Formations

There is a term in Buddhist psychology that can be translated as "internal formations," "fetters," or "knots." When we have a sensory input, depending on how we receive it, a knot may be tied in us.  When someone speaks unkindly to us, if we understand the reason and do not take his or her words to heart, we will not feel irritated at all, and no knot will be tied.  But if we do not understand why we were spoken to that way and we become irritated, a knot will be tied in us.  The absence of clear understanding is the basis for every knot.

If we practice full awareness, we will be able to recognize internal formations as soon as they are formed, and we will find ways to transform them.  For example, a wife may hear her husband boasting at a party, and inside herself she feels the formation of a lack of respect.  If she discusses this with her husband, they may come to a clear understanding, and the knot in her will be untied easily.  Internal formations need our full attention as soon as they manifest, while they are still weak, so that the work of transformation is easy.

If we do not untie our knots when they form, they will grow tighter and stronger.  Our conscious, reasoning mind knows that negative feelings such as anger, fear, and regret are not wholly acceptable to ourselves or society, so it finds ways to repress them, to push them into remote areas of our consciousness in order to forget them.  Because we want to avoid suffering, we create defense mechanisms that deny the existence of these negative feelings and give us the impression we have peace within ourselves.  But our internal formations are always looking for ways to manifest as destructive images, feelings, thoughts, words, or behavior.

The way to deal with unconscious internal formations is, first of all, to find ways to become aware of them.  By practicing mindful breathing, we may gain access to some of the knots that are tied inside us.  When we are aware of our images, feelings, thoughts, words, and behavior, we can ask ourselves questions such as: Why did I feel uncomfortable when I heard him say that?  Why did I say that to him?  Why do I always think of my mother when I see that woman?  Why didn't I like that character in the movie?  Whom did I hate in the past whom she resembles?  Observing closely like this can gradually bring the internal formations that are buried in us into the realm of the conscious mind.

During sitting meditation, after we have closed the doors and windows of sensory input, the internal formations buried inside us sometimes reveal themselves as images, feelings, or thoughts.  We may notice a feeling of anxiety, fear or unpleasantness whose cause we cannot understand.  So we shine the light of our mindfulness on it, and prepare ourselves to see this image, feeling, or thought, in all its complexity.  When it begins to show its face, it may gather strength and become more intense.  We may find it so strong that it robs us of our peace, joy, and ease, and we may not want to be in contact with it anymore.  We may want to move our attention to another object of meditation or discontinue the meditation altogether; we may feel sleepy or say that we prefer to meditate some other time.  In psychology, this is called resistance.  We are afraid to bring into our conscious mind the feelings of pain that are buried in us, because they will make us suffer.  But if we have been practicing breathing and smiling for some time, we will have developed the capacity to sit still and just observe our fears.  As we keep in contact with our breathing and continue to smile, we can say, "Hello, Fear.  There you are again."

There are people who practice sitting meditation many hours a day and never really face their feelings.  Some of them say that feelings are not important, and they prefer to give their attention to metaphysical subjects.  I am not suggesting that these other subjects of meditation are unimportant, but if they are not considered in relation to our real problems, our meditation is not really very valuable or helpful.

If we know how to live every moment in an awakened way, we will be aware of what is going on in our feelings and perceptions in the present moment, and we will not let knots form or become tighter in our consciousness.  And if we know how to observe our feelings, we can find the roots of long-standing internal formations and transform them, even those that have become quite strong.